Ryan's self important blathering

dear members of the internet:

You know that thing where you "cough" as you say a word, and it sounds as though you are being sneaky about the word you are saying, though the whole thing is really just for comic effect?

You know what I mean.

Anyway, this particular humor device does not work in text. At all. There's no way to convey this textually. So quit trying. If I have to read *cough*funnything*cough* one more time my mind grapes are gonna burst.